I haven't been this sober since birth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
