she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
