I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
