i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
