that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
honey bunches of taint.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
