How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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