Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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