Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
