Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
