Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
