420 ftw
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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