Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
