my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
