I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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