if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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