I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish you could order shots online.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
