forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
