Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
