I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
