In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
