Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
