you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize