id be glad to
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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