i just made my gag reflex go away.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
