Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
