and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Two words: blizzard sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
