He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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