Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
