Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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