Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
