So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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