Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
