Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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