Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
