I am in a vortex of obligation.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
