Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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