i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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