it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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