Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
