id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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