Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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