you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize