In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
