thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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