My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize