My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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