Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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