Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
