so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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