You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize