It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
