i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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