when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
