is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
