why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
