omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
