We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
