Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
