Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
