I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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