I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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