You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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