If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drake has all the answers
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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