my phone needs a breathalizer
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
