I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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