Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
