So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
