If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
