Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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