After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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