I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
