We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
