bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
