We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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