I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
