i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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