i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
