People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
