you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
high people should be assigned attendants
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
