My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
