It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
