I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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