Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
