after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
