I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
