i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
