she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize