Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
