I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
