I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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