Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
