yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
