im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
