Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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