He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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